


Hidden Scars

by Julieshadow



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Niall-centric, OT5 Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieshadow/pseuds/Julieshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After seeing a fan with scars on her wrists during a concert the boys began discussing the topic of self-harming unaware that Niall has been doing just that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Scars

It was their second performance at Croke Park and Niall was ecstatic. The crowd were loud and energetic and it was Niall’s home venue.

They played their songs one after the other throwing in the usual banter in between. He took his time to wave and meet each fans eyes that he could in the huge stadium. 

As he sat on a towel curtesy of Louis with his guitar in hand strumming along to Little Things, Niall took a moment to look around at his bandmates. A huge smile graced his features as he looked at each one a warm feeling in his heart as he watched his family perform.

Once his solo arrived he turned his glance to the fans when he spotted a young girl directly in front of him maybe sixteen or seventeen years old. When she put her arm up to wave at him that’s when he spotted the scars on her wrist. His breathe caught unnoticeable, he knew exactly what those scars were. He had those scars.

An uneasy feeling settled in his tummy as he finished the song. When the last chord played he stood up making his way to the edge of the stage where the fan was. Meeting her eyes he gave her a wave meant only for her then blew her a kiss and smiled.

Niall could tell immediately how much that small gesture had meant to the girl as her eyes beamed in delight and happy tears sprung out of them. Niall felt so much better and was back to his happy go lucky self, knowing from experience that something so small can make the difference between one small cut or five big ones.

Niall paid no heed to the quizzical looks Louis and Liam gave him as he went to hand his guitar back at the top of the stage. Just smiling happily to himself.

+++

“That was amazing!! I can’t wait for tomorrow night’s gig!!” Niall beamed as soon as they were back at the hotel.

They all gathered in Zayn’s room for no other reason than it had been the closest to the elevator. 

“Yeah bruv!! It was sick!!” Zayn responded.

“I can’t get over how loud the fans were. They were great.” Liam added.  
“Guys, I’m starved who’s up for ordering some pizza?” Harry asked looking at the room service menu.

“I’m up for pizza. I’ll order it. What do ye fancy?” Liam inquired.

“Chicken.” Came the joint response from Niall and Zayn.

“Shocker!” Louis replied in gest.

“One chicken with everything and one pepperoni with everything yeah?” Harry suggested.

With everyone agreed Liam ordered the two pizzas while Louis helped himself to the six pack of lager in the mini bar handing one to each of his friends.

“Hey guys did you see that girl to the left of the stage tonight?” Louis asked to the room.

Niall’s heart rate began to pick up speed but he remained silent.

“The one that had the scars on her wrist?” Zayn asked.

Niall’s heart was beating faster.

“That’s the girl Niall blew the kiss to? Yeah, I saw the scars.” Liam added.

Niall nearly choked on the mouthful of lager he had just taken. He had given her away. He had brought her to the others attention.

“I didn’t see Niall blowing any kisses but yeah I noticed the girl. I hope everything is okay with her.” Harry told them.

“I don’t get why someone would do that. I mean intentionally harm yourself.” Zayn said. 

“W..we don’t know anything about her. Maybe things are bad for her right now.” Niall said trying to calm himself down a bit.

“Even if things are bad why would you do that? Cause yourself pain. Jesus there’s always a better way.” Louis added.

“I don’t know her circumstances but I don’t think cutting yourself is the right way to deal with things.” Liam told them.

Before Niall could say anything else a knock came to the door signalling the arrival of the pizzas. 

“I’ve got it.” Zayn said going to get the pizzas.

Niall had no intention of having any pizza. The previous conversation having made his appetite disappear. His chest was tight and he felt like his skin was crawling and he needed to get some release.  
“Niall?” Harry asked.

Niall snapped out of his thoughts as he noticed four sets of eyes on him. Obviously they had been trying to get his attention. He was unintentionally rubbing at the inside of his arms when he looked up at his bandmates and friends.

“Dig in Niall before Harry has it all ate.” Liam jested.

“Hey, I’m a growing boy.” Harry mock huffed.

“Overgrown boy.” Louis teased.

“I’m not that hungry actually guys, think I’m going to go grab a shower.” Niall told them getting up and heading to the bathroom before anyone could say anything.

“What’s up with him?” Louis asked around a mouthful of pizza.

“Don’t know, we’ll get it out of him when he comes back.” Liam reasoned.

+++

As soon as the bathroom door close Niall went to the sick clinging on to it for dear life as he looked at himself in the mirror. He was trying to keep his breathing under control trying to resist the urge to grab the razor that he keep concealed in a small bit of cardboard in his sock.

The breathing was doing nothing for him. His chest felt unbelievable tight and he needed to relieve the pressure.

Christ if he’s friends knew what he was doing they would hate him, probably never speak to him again. It could be the downfall of his place in the band. They had made their feeling on the matter quiet clear.

Niall was in despair. He needed to stop this so the boys wouldn’t hate him but on the other hand he needed this, he couldn’t cope without the sweet relief that came with each incision.

He closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh as he reached into his sock retrieving the razor blade.

+++

“I bet it’s the whole thing about the girl self-harming that’s upset Niall.” Zayn said out of nowhere.

“He hates seeing people upset or sad it’s probably why he blew her that kiss.” Liam agreed.

“It’s affected him cause he was on a buzz when we came back here but when we brought up the subject of that girl he went quiet and spaced out.” Louis added.

“It must really have upset him when it put him off his food.” Zayn reasoned.

“He was unconsciously rubbing his arms, he was lost in his own thoughts and he paid special attention to her.” Harry said as if trying to come to some conclusion.

“Where are you going with this Harry?” Zayn enquired.

“Has anyone heard the shower come on?” Harry asked worriedly.

“No…you don’t think?...” Louis asked disbelievingly beginning to come to the same conclusion as Harry.

Before anyone could reply Liam was up from his seat and at the bathroom door a very worried Harry behind him.

Liam gave a soft knock on the door.

“Niall? Are you alright mate?” he asked his voice seeping with worry.

“Y…yeah, be out in a minute, sorry.” Came a clearly upset response from the other side of the door.

“He’s crying.” Liam stated turning the rest of the boys.

Harry moved past Liam as Louis and Zayn got to their feet.

“Niall, I’m coming in” Harry stated knowing that he hadn’t heard Niall lock the door. 

He gave Niall no time to answer before he pushed the door open and gasped at the sight.

“Oh Niall.” Harry stated rushing to his bandmate and friend, tears coming to his eyes.

Liam and Zayn stood in shock at the door entrance as they took in the sight of their friend sitting on the floor with a razor blade in his too small hand and a line of blood dripping from a cut on the underside of his arm.

Louis wasted no time in rushing past the two shock lads going straight to the two youngest members of the band.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry.” Niall begged sobs wrecking his body.

Harry hugged Niall squeezing the smaller lad close to his chest as sobs also wrecked the youngest.

“Shh, Niall it’s okay. We’ll deal with this. You’ll be okay.” Louis stated kneeling beside the two youngest.

“Zayn, I want you take Harry out into the room okay while Liam and I help Niall clean up.” Louis directed.

Liam and Zayn broke out of their shock and did as Louis asked. Liam knew that he was always called daddy direction but when it came to crisis or anything serious it was the oldest that stepped up. Louis was the joker but he could always handle situations seriously when it was needed.  
Zayn bent down to Harry putting a hand under the youngest upper arm to help him up from the floor.

“Come on Haz, let’s give Louis some room to help Nialler yeah?” Zayn coaxed.

Reluctantly Harry let Zayn help him up and let himself be lead to the bedroom.

Liam went to join Louis and Niall waiting for further instruction from Louis.

“Niall mate, I want you to give me the razor okay?” Louis said firmly to the Irish lad.

“I’m sorry Louis, I really tried not to I swear. Please?” Niall pleaded looking up to the oldest with the tears streaming down his face.

Louis gently pryed the blade from Niall handing it to Liam.

“Niall I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me for not knowing something was wrong with our Nialler. I’m going to fix this but first we need to get you cleaned up.” Louis informed the upset lad.

“Liam can you get me a warm wet cloth and clean towel please?” Louis asked Liam who obliged immediately.

Niall remained quiet as he let Louis and Liam clean him up. He was mentally and physically exhausted and he knew there was still a lot of talking to do before the night was over.

When Niall was cleaned up and Louis had applied a plastered to the wound which was not too deep, Louis had been especially thankful for that, Liam took Niall back into the main bedroom.

Louis took a moment to himself letting out a long sigh preparing himself for the conversation ahead. After a moment Zayn came to join him.

“You’re handling this well bruv, don’t think me or Liam would have known what to do.” Zayn said giving Louis’ shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

“That was the easy part, fixing the main problem is going to be the difficult part. How is Haz doing?” Louis enquired.

“Shaken up, upset, feeling guilty for not knowing, which is about the same for all of us.” Zayn replied.

“Yeah. How did we miss this Zayn? We are meant to be brothers. Christ we’re in each other’s pockets 24/7! How did we not see this?!” Louis said frustrated rubbing the back of his neck.

“Because he didn’t want us to see it.” Zayn answer matter of fact.

“Yeah. Let’s go fix this.” 

+++  
Niall had curled in on himself in the armchair in the corner of Zayn’s hotel room. Liam was standing beside him gently squeezing the back of his neck.

“Talk to us Niall please?” Liam tried but Niall just looked up at him through tear stained eyelashes.

“W…why?” Harry spoke, his own silent tears running down his cheeks.

This did get Niall’s attention.

“I’m sorry Harry.” Niall stated.

“I don’t want you to say sorry I want to know why so I can fix it.” Harry replied upset pouring through his voice.

“You can’t fix me.” Niall replied dejected. 

“You don’t need fixing Niall, you are perfect, but you need us to help you fix the problem that is causing you to cut.” Liam informed him his sensible daddy tone coming back now.

“Just talk to us Niall. Tell us what is going on in that head of yours?” Zayn joined in.

“I can’t explain it. It’s not thoughts as such, more like a feeling, a need for release. It’s like my chest tightens and I find it hard to breath and the only way to take away the pressure is to cut.” Niall explained not meeting any of their eyes.

Louis moved in front of Niall lifting his chin up so their eyes were meeting.

“What brings on these feelings?” Louis asked gently.

“Different things but mainly when I’m worried about something, or if I’ve messed something up on stage or in an interview. And crowds, I don’t like being mobbed it multiplies the feeling tenfold.” Niall told them honestly.

“You never mess up Niall, well no more than the rest of us do anyway.” Zayn reassured.

“And from now on I will be your personal bodyguard in crowds, no one will get near you I will keep them all back.” Harry told him which caused a giggle from Niall.

“Not too sure that will work Hazza but we’ll have a chat with security about it.” Louis told his friend.

“But on a serious note things are going to have to change until we get things under control for all of us.” Louis said gaining the rooms attention.

“For now we will keep this between the five of us and Paul. Liam will fill him in on everything in the morning. From now on there won’t be five single rooms in hotels, there will be three singles and a double. We will take it in turns sharing with Niall. No locking the bathroom door Niall sorry but it’s necessary until we have this under control. If you have the feelings where you need to cut or even think those feelings are surfacing, you tell one of us straight away. We will talk it out and do whatever it takes to help you. Okay?” Louis informed them.

“So basically you’re taking away my privacy.” Niall stated sighing.

“No we’re taking away your opportunity to harm yourself until you no longer feel the need to do so. The only other alternative is to tell management and get a shrink involved which trust me I haven’t ruled out yet because you continuing to hurt yourself is not an option here.” Louis stated firmly.

“He is doing this for your own good Niall and I agree with him. We love you and we don’t want to see you hurting yourself. We also know that you wouldn’t want management knowing about this so I don’t see any other options here.” Liam told him.

“Okay.” Niall relented.

“Please don’t be mad at us Niall. You’re our brother. We just want you to be okay.” Harry emphasised.

“I’m not mad. I’m sorry for having caused all these problems for everyone.” Niall said getting teary eyed again.

“Niall, this is something that has happened. No one is blaming you but we are going to fix it. Alright bruv?” Zayn asked the teary blonde.

“Yeah.” Niall agreed forcing a small smile.

“Great, now how about a group cuddle and cold pizza?” Louis offered.

“Sounds good.” 

The End


End file.
